Today is 51 days until I board a flight to Southeast Asia.

Honestly… how are we already here?

It feels like just yesterday I was stepping off the plane from Guatemala, hugging my teammates goodbye, and trying to process everything the Lord had done over the last months. I remember sitting on the plane ride home wondering what life would look like after living on mission every single day. I knew I would miss my squad, but I don't think I realized just how different this season would be.

Now, somehow, summer is almost over. In just 51 days I'll be packing my bags again and stepping into another season that I know is going to stretch me in completely new ways. There will be new countries, new cultures, new ministry opportunities, new teammates, new friendships, and so many opportunities to watch the Lord move. While I'm incredibly excited for everything that's ahead, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on what He's been teaching me while I've been home because, if I'm honest, I think He's done just as much in my heart these past couple of months as He did while I was overseas.

When I first got home, I thought the transition would be pretty simple. I figured I'd find a church, get plugged into a community, get a job, save money for Southeast Asia, and before I knew it I'd be boarding another plane. Instead, the Lord had completely different plans. This season has stretched me in ways I never expected.

I've been searching for a home church, trying to find community again after spending months surrounded by people who constantly encouraged me in my faith, learning how to financially prepare for another 8 months overseas, and figuring out what it actually looks like to live on mission when I'm back in my hometown. None of those things have been bad, but they've all required me to depend on the Lord in a different ways. One thing He's been showing me over and over again is just how desperately I need Him every single day.

There have been mornings where I haven't wanted to read my Bible. I haven't wanted to pray. I haven't wanted to spend time with the Lord at all. Some mornings I just wanted to stay in bed a little longer or scroll on my phone before starting the day. But almost every time I've chosen to spend even a little bit of time with Him, whether that's reading a couple chapters or sitting quietly in prayer, I've noticed such a huge difference. The days I spend with Jesus look completely different than the days I don't.

When I don't intentionally spend time with Him, I become impatient, frustrated, negative, and so much more focused on myself. The smallest inconveniences seem so much bigger than they really are. But when I begin my day with Him, my circumstances don't magically change—my heart does. I have more peace, more patience, and a greater awareness of what He's doing around me. I don't want my relationship with Jesus to depend on whether I feel like spending time with Him. I want every single day of my life to be centered around Him because He's worthy of that, not because my circumstances are easy.

As I've been learning that, He's also been giving me opportunities to actually live it out. A few weeks ago I stopped to get gas after work, and while I was filling up my car a man walked up to me and asked if I had any spare cash because he hadn't eaten in several days. Before I could even think about what to say, I felt the Lord prompting me to pray for him.

But instead of stepping out in obedience, fear stepped in. I started thinking about how late it was. What if he thought I was weird? What if he said no? What if something happened? Within seconds, fear had become louder than obedience. I simply looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash." He smiled, thanked me anyway, and walked away.

The second he left, I felt convicted. Not because I believe God was disappointed in me, but because I knew He had invited me into something and I had chosen comfort instead of obedience. The part that challenged me the most was realizing that if I had been in Mexico or Guatemala, I don't think I would've hesitated. I would've prayed for him immediately. Somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that sharing Jesus was easier in another country than it was in my own hometown.

The Lord has been gently reminding me that missions doesn't start when I board a plane. It starts with obedience. It starts at the gas station. At work. At the grocery store. It starts wherever He has placed me.

As I've been processing all of this, I keep finding myself coming back to conversations my squad. We talked so often about Peter walking on the water and what it really means to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. At the time, I knew the Lord was teaching us something through that story, but I don't think I realized He was preparing me for this season at home.

Ever since I've been back, the Lord keeps bringing me to Hebrews 12:1–3. I've heard it preached in different churches, seen it written on walls, come across it on social media, and every time I ask the Lord why I keep seeing it, I feel Him bringing me back to the same lesson.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:1–3

Peter was only able to walk on water because his eyes were fixed on Jesus. The impossible became possible because his focus wasn't on the storm—it was on the Savior. But the moment Peter shifted his attention to the wind and the waves, fear took over, and he began to sink. The more I've reflected on that story, the more I've realized how often I do the exact same thing. When my eyes are fixed on Jesus, I trust Him. I have peace. I remember that He's faithful and that He's already gone before me. But when I start looking at everything else—the fundraising deadline, leaving my family for nine months, trying to find community again, work, uncertainty, and all of the unknowns that come with this next season—it's so easy to become overwhelmed. I start sinking. Not because Jesus has moved. Not because He's stopped being faithful. Not because He's forgotten me.

I begin to sink because my focus has shifted from Jesus to my circumstances.

I really believe that's what the Lord has been preparing my heart for these last few months. I don't know exactly what's waiting for me in Southeast Asia, but I do know this: if I can keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, I don't have to fear what's ahead. Whether I'm serving in another country or standing at a gas station back home, my calling is exactly the same—to fix my eyes on Him and simply be obedient to whatever He's asking me to do.

As many of you know, fundraising has also been one of the biggest ways the Lord has been growing my faith. I have a 40% fundraising deadline by July 30, and I'm currently 19% funded. While those numbers can feel overwhelming at times, this season has reminded me that this mission has never been about what I can accomplish on my own. It's always been about God's faithfulness.

If you would prayerfully consider partnering with me financially, I would be so incredibly grateful. Every gift, no matter the amount, helps make this mission possible and allows me to continue saying yes to where the Lord is leading. If you're unable to give, I completely understand, and I would cherish your prayers just as much.

As I prepare to leave in just 51 days, I would love prayer that I would continue fixing my eyes on Jesus above everything else. Pray that I would continue growing in obedience, even in the small moments that nobody else sees. Pray that the Lord would prepare my heart as I get ready to spend nine months away from my family, that He would continue providing financially, and that He would bring peace and stability in my work environment during these final weeks at home.

Thank you for praying for me, encouraging me, supporting me, and following along on this journey. I truly couldn't do this without all of you, and I'm so thankful that the Lord has surrounded me with people who faithfully believe in what He's doing.

The countdown is officially on!